When asked about death and dying, Isaac Asimov said, “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It is the transition that is troublesome.”
All grieve and mourn, whether it is in response to our loved one’s illness or to their death. Losing or knowing that we are about to lose someone we love is not easy. Perhaps, it is the most excruciating phase in our life that we have to go through.
In the book On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1969), she proposed the five stages of grief a person experiences in mourning. Let us get over these stages:
- First Stage: Denial
The first reaction when you learn about your loved one’s terminal illness or death—shock. You tell yourself, “This is impossible. This can’t be happening!”And you start to see the world in a negative way. You see the world as meaningless and senseless. You ask questions—like “Can I go on?” “Should I go on?” “Why should I go on?”—and you demand to know the answers right away.
This is a natural response. Denial and shock are nature’s way of letting in only as much as you can handle. Denial helps you cope up with the loss. Once you accept reality, you now open yourself to the first step of the healing process. You start to acknowledge the truth and the feelings you were denying before begin to resurface.
- Second Stage: Anger
As denial wears off, the pain of reality sinks in. You realize that you are not yet ready. You feel the rage of your loss. You direct your anger to anything and anyone. Acknowledge your anger. The more you acknowledge it, the faster it will fade.
You have to know that anger is just part of your healing process. In fact, anger signifies strength. It is much better than feeling nothing at all. Underneath your anger is pain and that pain is an indication of your love to that person.
- Third Stage: Bargaining
If only…Please…I’d do anything…You tell yourself these things. You make a secret bargain to the Supreme Being. As much as possible, you want to turn your life the way it used to be, together with your loved one.This is a defense you use in order to protect yourself from reality
- Fourth Stage: Depression
While in the bargaining stage you go to the past, depression brings you back to the present. The pain of losing the one you love sinks deeper into your senses and you feel that such excruciating pain will last forever. You start to isolate yourself from anyone. Don’t worry because this is a natural and appropriate response to loss. What is unnatural is to be happy with the loss.
According to some researchers, there are two types of depression associated with grief. The first one is a reaction relating to the loss: sadness and regret. The second one is more subtle and personal. It is considered as a preparation of saying goodbye to your loved one.
- Fifth Stage: Acceptance
First and foremost, acceptance should not be confused with being okay or all right with the loss. It is never okay to lose someone you love. This stage is about accepting the reality that your loved one is no longer here. It is about learning to live with that fact.
Once you reach this stage, you begin to live again and enjoy your life. You move on, you change, you grow, and you become better.
In celebration of the coming Easter, we want to convey its message—hope. Losing someone you love may be hard but it is not the end of the world. Give yourself a hope to finding happiness again.
Here at Care Perfection Health Services LLC, we offer home health care services in Warrenton, Virginia. One of these services includes giving hospice care services to our patients and their family members, including emotional and moral support.
You can visit our place at 170 W Shirley Avenue, Suite 202, Warrenton, Virginia. To see the list of our services, you can visit our website at www.careperfections.com. If you have more questions, call us at 540-228-1690 or e-mail us at info@careperfections.com.
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